Slithy Toves
by Michael Fowler
When Tim awoke after swimming from his lakeside nap, two thick coats of translucent mucus lay on his naked body. He wasn’t alarmed, since the coats didn’t cover his face or impede his breathing. Instead, they provided comfort and warmth to his trunk and legs sprawled on the grass under the setting sun. Even when the coats proved alive and wriggled, clinging to him in ways designed to increase their body contact and sticky closeness, he didn’t panic about being absorbed or contracting alien variants. Tim relaxed and found that the mouthless layer of slime on his left side formed words in his mind, as if talking into his ear.
“Your body is so smooth and permeable,” announced a soothing, female voice. “Yet it contains many artifacts such as lumps and cysts, ingrown hairs, hardened, old pimples and scars, and a few detached bee stings. I’ll seep into your skin and dissolve these. And this butterfly tattoo on your left tit I can make literally fly away.”
Tim watched lazily as the painfully-acquired ink fluttered its wings and took off into the nearby woods, only to circle back and resume its place on his skin, its wingspread as different now as if it were a new insect. A warmth spread over him too, reminding him of a blanket, except for his feet, which were still submerged in cool water.
“Very relaxing,” Tim told her.
“You don’t need to speak,” she said. “Thought is enough when we’re in contact.”
“Who’s we?” Tim spoke aloud, unable to merely think his thought.
He heard a male giggling, and felt the slimy mass covering his right side shiver like Jell-o sliding on a warm plate.
“That’s Billy,” she said in his mind. “He’s randy, as usual. We’ve both been cosying up to your sleeping, warm-blooded body. Billy’s a bit of a rascal, but don’t mind him. He won’t hurt you.”
“You call us slithy toves, don’t you?” Billy sounded in Tim’s brain. He rasped as if a small splinter had lodged in his gelatinous throat. ‘’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe...’ A nonsense nursery rhyme you learned as a child. But now, we’re together in the wabe, and you must be nice to us.”
“The wabe,” Tim repeated, trying without success to recall his childhood. “I really think I should be going. I’ve had a pleasant nap but this dream needs to stop. Is your name really Billy? And your lady companion is…?”
“Christine,” she said. “We go by names familiar to you. The sounds of them put you at ease, right?”
“Well…”
“He calls you a lady,” said snide Billy. “He has no idea of the brazen wantonness we got up to on top of and inside him whilst he napped.”
“Stop,” said Christine.
“Are you two fooling around on top of me?” said Tim. And inside me?
“Oh yes,” said Billy. “Christine is a skin specialist, a trained cosmetician of some repute, and has thoroughly scoured your soft and flaky epidermis. I go deeper, within your ribcage where your vitals lay, taking Christine with me, of course, when she’s ready to trot. She’s up for anything, you know. May I say that your heart is a pumping dynamo and your liver is remarkably free of fat?”
“Fine, but how is my chest your business?” Tim cried out. That is, he wanted to cry out, but somehow, he and his voice remained calm despite Billy’s bold claims of intrusiveness.
“We tried not to involve you whilst you slept,” said Christine, evidently suppressing a giggle, “but we had a romp in the area of your kidneys. You may feel a lingering sensation now that you’re awake. Oh now, Billy, wait a moment,” she laughed. Tim had a sensation as though a fish swam through his chest. “He must give us his consent, now that he’s awake.”
“Why must he?” griped Billy. “Did we give our consent for him to take off his clothes and stick his dirty feet in our lake? Have you seen those calloused kicks of his? I doubt he’s ever had a pedicure, or knows what one is.”
“Don’t be so hypocritical,” added Christine, and Tim, though he remained sleepy, somehow knew her jellied form was smiling. “It was you who quivered and spasmed all over his viscera.”
“What about my viscera?” said Tim, beginning to come fully awake.
“Never mind,” said Billy. “It won’t take much effort to clean up after me. I’d do it myself if I had a clean towel. Our younger generation of scum is shockingly clean and tidy. ”
“Scum, are you?” said Tim, not at all surprised. “Clean and tidy scum?”
The sound of a motor came from the direction of the road leading to the lake, and there soon appeared at the water’s edge an antlered monstrosity on wheels. Seeing Tim, the driver stopped the contraption and approached, carrying a linked six-pack of beer.
“See you later,” said Billy. “I don’t like the looks of this one. Plus, he killed Vanoose.”
“Ciao,” chimed in Christine. “Your pal looks salty enough to shrink my cells, and Vanoose was our friend.” The two slowly peeled themselves from Tim and withdrew into the water, receding like two shy snails into their shells, only giggling.
“Hey,” Tim called to the driver as he approached, unable to think of his name, if in fact he knew it. The sight of the fellow, whoever he was, caused Tim to fully awaken at last. “What happened to the vehicle?”
“Well, I ran into some damned antlered buck or bison and its horns came up through the radiator. Killed the critter but the car still runs. Been looking for you man, you wandered off.”
“Yeah,” said Tim. “I took a walk and fell asleep. I think I was attacked by some lake creatures. You know, the slithy toves.”
“They attacked you? Slithy toves?”
“They’re not harmless, you know, those toves. They snuck up on me and attacked me, right here in the water. Messed around in my chest cavity.”
“You’re not looking too good, that’s for sure. All kind of drained and mucky. Let me help you up. Man, you smell like a rutting animal.”
“It’s this lake. It stinks like a cheap hotel room. You know, you killed Vanoose.”
“Who’s Vanoose?”
“That’s the animal you ran down. See those antlers sticking through the hood? That was Vanoose.”
“Yeah, it was hard on all of us. Maybe I’ll lie down with you here and have a beer to recover. Want one?”
“No, thanks. Listen, I’ll drive back to camp while you relax. Maybe they can do something for Vanoose.”
“Something like taxidermy?”
The man took off his trousers and boots, sat on the bank, and stuck his feet in the refreshing water, beer can at his lips. Tim commandeered the truck and prepared to drive back to camp. Before he pulled out, he heard water splashing and giggling. Then came his camp-mate’s relaxed sigh.
“Your body is so smooth and permeable,” announced a soothing, female voice. “Yet it contains many artifacts such as lumps and cysts, ingrown hairs, hardened, old pimples and scars, and a few detached bee stings. I’ll seep into your skin and dissolve these. And this butterfly tattoo on your left tit I can make literally fly away.”
Tim watched lazily as the painfully-acquired ink fluttered its wings and took off into the nearby woods, only to circle back and resume its place on his skin, its wingspread as different now as if it were a new insect. A warmth spread over him too, reminding him of a blanket, except for his feet, which were still submerged in cool water.
“Very relaxing,” Tim told her.
“You don’t need to speak,” she said. “Thought is enough when we’re in contact.”
“Who’s we?” Tim spoke aloud, unable to merely think his thought.
He heard a male giggling, and felt the slimy mass covering his right side shiver like Jell-o sliding on a warm plate.
“That’s Billy,” she said in his mind. “He’s randy, as usual. We’ve both been cosying up to your sleeping, warm-blooded body. Billy’s a bit of a rascal, but don’t mind him. He won’t hurt you.”
“You call us slithy toves, don’t you?” Billy sounded in Tim’s brain. He rasped as if a small splinter had lodged in his gelatinous throat. ‘’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe...’ A nonsense nursery rhyme you learned as a child. But now, we’re together in the wabe, and you must be nice to us.”
“The wabe,” Tim repeated, trying without success to recall his childhood. “I really think I should be going. I’ve had a pleasant nap but this dream needs to stop. Is your name really Billy? And your lady companion is…?”
“Christine,” she said. “We go by names familiar to you. The sounds of them put you at ease, right?”
“Well…”
“He calls you a lady,” said snide Billy. “He has no idea of the brazen wantonness we got up to on top of and inside him whilst he napped.”
“Stop,” said Christine.
“Are you two fooling around on top of me?” said Tim. And inside me?
“Oh yes,” said Billy. “Christine is a skin specialist, a trained cosmetician of some repute, and has thoroughly scoured your soft and flaky epidermis. I go deeper, within your ribcage where your vitals lay, taking Christine with me, of course, when she’s ready to trot. She’s up for anything, you know. May I say that your heart is a pumping dynamo and your liver is remarkably free of fat?”
“Fine, but how is my chest your business?” Tim cried out. That is, he wanted to cry out, but somehow, he and his voice remained calm despite Billy’s bold claims of intrusiveness.
“We tried not to involve you whilst you slept,” said Christine, evidently suppressing a giggle, “but we had a romp in the area of your kidneys. You may feel a lingering sensation now that you’re awake. Oh now, Billy, wait a moment,” she laughed. Tim had a sensation as though a fish swam through his chest. “He must give us his consent, now that he’s awake.”
“Why must he?” griped Billy. “Did we give our consent for him to take off his clothes and stick his dirty feet in our lake? Have you seen those calloused kicks of his? I doubt he’s ever had a pedicure, or knows what one is.”
“Don’t be so hypocritical,” added Christine, and Tim, though he remained sleepy, somehow knew her jellied form was smiling. “It was you who quivered and spasmed all over his viscera.”
“What about my viscera?” said Tim, beginning to come fully awake.
“Never mind,” said Billy. “It won’t take much effort to clean up after me. I’d do it myself if I had a clean towel. Our younger generation of scum is shockingly clean and tidy. ”
“Scum, are you?” said Tim, not at all surprised. “Clean and tidy scum?”
The sound of a motor came from the direction of the road leading to the lake, and there soon appeared at the water’s edge an antlered monstrosity on wheels. Seeing Tim, the driver stopped the contraption and approached, carrying a linked six-pack of beer.
“See you later,” said Billy. “I don’t like the looks of this one. Plus, he killed Vanoose.”
“Ciao,” chimed in Christine. “Your pal looks salty enough to shrink my cells, and Vanoose was our friend.” The two slowly peeled themselves from Tim and withdrew into the water, receding like two shy snails into their shells, only giggling.
“Hey,” Tim called to the driver as he approached, unable to think of his name, if in fact he knew it. The sight of the fellow, whoever he was, caused Tim to fully awaken at last. “What happened to the vehicle?”
“Well, I ran into some damned antlered buck or bison and its horns came up through the radiator. Killed the critter but the car still runs. Been looking for you man, you wandered off.”
“Yeah,” said Tim. “I took a walk and fell asleep. I think I was attacked by some lake creatures. You know, the slithy toves.”
“They attacked you? Slithy toves?”
“They’re not harmless, you know, those toves. They snuck up on me and attacked me, right here in the water. Messed around in my chest cavity.”
“You’re not looking too good, that’s for sure. All kind of drained and mucky. Let me help you up. Man, you smell like a rutting animal.”
“It’s this lake. It stinks like a cheap hotel room. You know, you killed Vanoose.”
“Who’s Vanoose?”
“That’s the animal you ran down. See those antlers sticking through the hood? That was Vanoose.”
“Yeah, it was hard on all of us. Maybe I’ll lie down with you here and have a beer to recover. Want one?”
“No, thanks. Listen, I’ll drive back to camp while you relax. Maybe they can do something for Vanoose.”
“Something like taxidermy?”
The man took off his trousers and boots, sat on the bank, and stuck his feet in the refreshing water, beer can at his lips. Tim commandeered the truck and prepared to drive back to camp. Before he pulled out, he heard water splashing and giggling. Then came his camp-mate’s relaxed sigh.